“Yes?”She was awakened. The moment she opened her eyes she found somethingstrange——she had no body.
Everythingwas dissolved. She was nowhere, yet she was everywhere, like a drop of water inthe sea. Mixed feelings arose. She felt strange, novel, frightened, but safe.She extended her senses far, every now and again embracing a softdelicate-curved surface. Thus she knows she was inside a sphere, which colormust be golden, for the place was so warm. She recollected that warm, thegolden veil cast upon everything on the earth, was the mercy of sun.
“Youare not very much surprised.” The voice that had waked her rang again.
“Sorry,who are you?”
“Whoare you?” The voice echoed.
“I’m...”She paused, panic rushing through her, “I don’t know.”
“Youmust find it out, or you will never get out of here. But you know the answer.You know this place.”
“Whatdo I have to do with this place?”
“Thisplace...” the voice responded, “We. We who shape, support, and strangle,are the reason for your very existence.”
Onhearing these words, she was forced to re-examine the place. The place wasbeyond imagination, meanwhile, her own existence was even harder to proclaim,yet the magic voice had announced her person in the know.
Reservedand cautious, she breathed a likely answer. “...Are you my memories?”
Itseemed that infinite power was released the moment the four words sounded. Theplace shook and squeezed. Sensible wriggles crawled up the surface, causing aninspiring feeling. Something surged. Something gathered. Something condensed.Something stabilized. Someone formed.
Sheknew that from the sudden awareness of sight. Gentle flow teased herskin, bringing up indescribable pleasantness. Amazingly the place was not asbig as she thought.
Therewere millions of films floating inside the sphere. Now and then she filteredthrough some of them then flash of scenes reflected in her mind. There wassunlight, creeks, symphonic laughter, kisses and hugs. There were medals,congratulations, familiar faces and lovely kids. She couldn’t help letting outa hearty smile.
Thegolden sphere was glowing, giving off vague brightness to the darkness outside,and pulsing to her own heartbeat.
“Iknow you will get the answer.” The voice rang.
“Youare still here... how surprising.”
“Ofcourse We are still here. We were, are and will always be here.”
“Butif you are still here,” she said, tears flooding down her cheek, “why didn’tyou save me? I’ve tried so hard to fight against all the dark days. Thoseheartbreaking feelings and sad memories slowly choked me. I’ve tried so hard torescue myself but I can’t. They came to me again and again, echoing in mydeepest thought, telling me things would never get any better... They are mymemories as well but they tortured me, and why, why can’t I just let them go?”
“Allthe things you think you’ve forgotten are actually somewhere there. You cannever let memories disappear. The only thing you can do is fading and hiding,assuming they will never come back.”
“Butthey do come back,” she sobbed, “they always come back... they come back allthe time.”
“Infact, it’s you who go back to them and reject us again and again, forgettingwho We are and who you are. You want to enjoy the happy memories andforget the sad ones, so that you can always keep going. That’s impossible.”
“Painfulas the sad memories are, everyone should be glad to desert them.”
“Memories...no matter sad or happy to you, are memories all the same. We and them,together, shape you, support you, and strangle you. Without memories you willhave no experience, no life, and no will. But you’ve kept trying hard to castaway all the darkness outside. It’s been too long for you to turn around andrealize that light and warm are always inside you. It’s you who tore thedarkness and the brightness apart and deliberately formed the border of We andthem. Sometimes you hysterically fought in vain to diminish them all, or, justshivering cowardly under the shelter of We. Embrace We and themboth, for you are to carry us all your life.”
“Maybeyou are right.” Frail was her smile and firm was her voice, “You shaped me,supported me, which I appreciate, but you'll never strangle I.”
“Iwill never be conquered by my own memories,” she declared, “I’ll embraceboth happiness and sadness, and use both to fight against each other. I’ll gostraight forward, never let any of you have the chance to overtake my mind.”
Thesphere broke on the spell. Darkness and light blended like coffee and milk.Everything dissolved again.
“Weare glad you said that,” the voice said with relief, “Now say it, WHO ARE YOU?”
Shewoke up, puzzled, strange voice still echoing in her mind.
“Awomb and... who?”
Sheshook the fading impressions out of her head and looked out. The sunlightembraced the earth gently as if everything was covered with a golden veil.Refreshment flushed through her, the kind of relief one would always feel aftergood sleep. But to her, this was a priceless reward of a long torturous battlewith depression. There were quite some years before she could recall anythinghappy. Life itself has lost its meaning. She had been waking up to thesummoning of hell from deathly tranquil nights under sedation. Blades anddoses, thank god they were all gone.
“Worthremembering——what a nice day.”